Gisèle Pelicot asks 'Why?'

Shân Morgain

The appalling case of Gisèle Pelicot happened in France, not Wales. But we cannot, must not stand back and say 'It did not happen here'.

For the nature of the Pelicot case shows its horrors are entirely normal, ordinary. They happen everywhere. The only difference for Pelicot is its large quantities.

Drugged, raped, abused

Gisèle Pelicot was heavily drugged and raped. Normal.

Gisèle Pelicot never consented to any of the rapes. Normal.

Her husband recruited other men to rape and abuse her. Not quite so normal but not that unusual either.

None of the rapists tried to help her. Mostly normal. Think trafficked women used as prostitutes: their clients do nothing to help.

Her husband abused and insulted her helpless body with scrawled words on it. Not that unusual. Just banter.

The rapes continued over a decade. Very normal; think domestic violence.

The many rapists are very varied, all ages from teens to pensioners, many different occupations manual, professional. Very normal.

The rapists claim her husband gave consent for her. Wife is his thing. Or they did not realise anything was wrong thinking it was a couple game. Comatose, snoring, voiceless thing. Games and banter mask a lot of rape, abuse.

The network of rape included Gisèle Pelicot's family and neighbours. Normal.

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Cymru

I should have liked to give numbers on rape and abuse in the Cymru but cannot. Information about our society is buried in 'England and Wales' reports. Digging about I did find a couple of Welsh police regions but their info was not helpful.

This is yet another of the million details why our independence is so necessary and important.

Her questions

So this incredibly brave woman chose to open her case to the public - so we could learn from it.

Cymru listen! Cymru learn!

Gisèle Pelicot announces 'The shame is theirs, not ours.'

 

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Gisèle Pelicot asks 'Why? How could you do this to me?'

Ah, that is not unanswerable. Men who rape/ abuse do it – because they can.

Why they rape

Pitifully few cases reach the courts. Pitifully few of those get a conviction.

Along the way the raped/ abused woman is interrogated as a criminal. Why did she wear sexy clothes? Why did she not fight, or fight harder? She is the guilty one not him.

So then very few women even try to report their suffering. Rapist win win. Rape culture.

Yet rapists do not rape just because they get away with it legally. They rape because they feel entitled to take and use women's bodies (and boys'). No means a flirty yes. Or No means nothing. Or silence is enough, so they say.

Not long ago I wrote on here with much sympathy for the lonely, deprived lives of almost all men.  Pushed ruthlessly to achieve, succeed, be tough, not ask for help, not to cry or hug. Men live isolated and shorter, unhealthier lives.

Boys are brought up to feel they can crash about causing problems, and adults laugh and forgive. 'Boys will be boys, after all.' Indeed so, and then there is porn and prostitution which offers women to humiliate and use. Rape culture.

They often have little idea they wreck someone's life. It's only a bit of sex isn't it? She probably liked it really. But it's not sex. It's pure power, power to control. It smashes the lesson into the other body 'You're nothing but a thing to be used.' Wreckage.

Gisèle Pelicot asks 'Why?' and we do have answers. Rapists are not monsters. They are ordinary, our brothers, sons, fathers, lovers and friends. They are mostly not strangers but men we know, in our homes. They are those lonely little boys who were never taught to behave.

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It's time

It is time they were. Boys and men urgently need help and guidance, strong, firm help and guidance – for all our sakes. For the women and also men they damage, and those they haven't (yet) who must live in fear of when it might happen to them.

Is it impossible? Could we run local groups that teach and guide men to be better men? We have speed awareness groups to train drivers to be better drivers. Not very different to train men to drive themselves better.

If mothers, sisters, friends and lovers insisted they attend, they would. It could become a badge of honour. Men of honour could be Guardians to teach and guide others.

Cymru has pioneered so much that is good in society. Our laws were originally far superior to English and French laws. Cymru can do it better. Now.